


Summer

by pinky_heaven19



Series: Seasons of Love [1]
Category: Rent - Larson
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-20
Updated: 2014-10-20
Packaged: 2018-02-21 23:02:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2485427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinky_heaven19/pseuds/pinky_heaven19
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's a hot day and Mark is tired of regretting things he didn't do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Summer

It was going to be the first time in history that I was desperately wishing for winter to come soon. I was fantasizing about snow and the cold wind that always manages to enter my apartment through smashed windows. I kept daydreaming about wearing sweaters and my beloved worn-out leather jacket. 

I could feel my stomach full of water but I was still thristy, my lips dry. I licked them and a little bit of sweat on my upper lip stung the delicate skin of my chapped lips. I wiped my forehead and sighed. That heat wave was going to be the death of me. 

According to the newspaper the temperature would reach 107 that day, but I could swear it was above 112. I'd stripped down to my underwear and didn't know what else to do to endure the scalding heat. 

– Well, that didn't make me feel any better – Mark's voice made me open my eyes and turn my head lazily in his direction.

– Is this your fourth shower of the day? 

– Third – Mark said – But I can see a fourth one coming very soon.

– What are you doing with clothes on, then?

Mark only shook his head. I knew he was not comfortable prancing around without a shirt on, and didn't insist. But even the paper-thin T-shirt and pair of shorts he was wearing looked painfully hot.

– Mark, I'm feeling too hot – I whined as my best friend sat next to me on the couch. I could see tiny droplets of water on his temples that could be either water from his wet hair or perspiration. 

– If you're like this, can you imagine how I must be feeling? 

I had always been the one to feel colder than Mark. Any cold breeze was reason for me to put on long sleeved shirts. It was only when it was cold enough to snow that Mark put on something warmer. There had been more than a few nights where I had crawled into Mark's bed in the middle of the night in an attempt to stay warm – and it always worked. On the other hand, I fared much better than Mark when it was summer, but this temperature was ridiculous. 

– Do you know what we could do? - I asked. 

– What?

– We could go up on the roof and tan.

– You're joking, right? - Mark was looking at me over his glasses.

– I'm not joking, I think the red lobster skin would really suit you.

– Piss off – Mark said, getting up from the couch. I followed him with a smile in his eyes, watching as my best friend went to the refrigerator and got some ice cubes from the freezer. He didn't refill the tray, but I couldn't muster the strenght to bicker about it.  
– Do you know what we really should do? - Mark asked, getting back on the couch with me.

– Be friends with people who have swimming pools in their houses?

– Go to a place with ar condicioning – Mark said, ignoring my comment.

– Like where?

– I don't know...maybe the mall.

– The mall? Mark Cohen actually wants to go to the _mall_?

– Well, at least they won't kick us out for walking around and not buying anything.

– I think you're losing some brain cells to this heat, buddy. Besides, I have no money for subway or bus and I'm not in the mood to walk around under this burning sun. I prefer to slow cook inside the apartment than to fry in the street, thank you very much.

– Touché – Mark said, and fell silent. I closed my eyes, keeping my body perfectly still, thinking about cold things. I wanted to lay down on the cool floor to get some relief, but I could't remember the last time I'd swept the place and the thought of all the dirt clinging to my damp skin wasn't very attractive. 

I finally got up and went to the kitchen sink, which I opened and let the hot water from the pipes run out before dunking my head under it, getting my hair dripping wet before closing it again. 

– When it's this hot I always consider cutting my hair shorter – I said, sitting back again on the couch.

– Don't do this – Mark's reply was quick.

– Why not?

– It...suits you. 

– You really think so?

– Everybody thinks so. It looks like a mane sometimes, but it looks good on you.

I smiled.

– Thanks. I'll keep that in mind.

– Good. Also, you're dripping on the couch.

– What?

– Your hair. It's dripping water on the couch. 

My smile turned mischievous. I shook my head vigorously, much like a dog would, sending droplets of water flying everywhere. 

– Come on, Roger! My glasses – Mark complained, wiping them off with his T-shirt. 

I laughed, and soon enough Mark was giggling with me. It was one of the things I loved about this man: he could never stay mad at me. Not even when I had given him so many reasons to be furious and walk out on me. 

Mark had already been furious with me too many times to count, actually, but I had deserved every single one of them. They were mostly from almost overdosing to any stupid shit I was prone to do.

It had also been Mark who took me to the hospital every time I desperately needed it, and I couldn't remember a day that went by without Mark reminding me of my AZT. He was also there to help me whenever I tried to quit cold turkey and suffered from the terrible withdrawal period that usually lasted days. 

I was almost dozing off when a loud car pipe burst out and my eyes snapped open. I caught Mark quickly turning his own eyes away. He'd been looking down my torso and I knew why. Track marks. I had been clean for over two years but Mark still had the habit of checking on me any time he could.

– You know I mostly do cocaine these days – I said, suddenly annoyed. 

– I didn't say anything.

– You were looking for any sign that I am slipping.

– I was not! 

– Then why were you staring at me like that? You know I'm clean...

– I know, I know. 

– Old habits die hard, I guess – my words were dry. 

– I shouldn't suspect anything from you, I'm sorry. I'm just....worried.

– You have every right to be suspicious. I've fucked up more times than I can count. You've always been the reasonable person in this relationship.

– Hey, I've had my share of screw ups, too – he sounded offended that I was implying that he was a better person than me.

– Yeah? Like what?

– Well, I... There was that time when I....hum.

– See? You can't even think of anything to say – I mused.

– Well, it's not like you're a bad person, either.

– I'm not a bad person, but I was a junkie and I'm HIV positive. I don't think I _can_ screw up more than that.

– You could still be a junkie. You could also be a rapist, a serial killer or one of those people who keep interrupting others when they speak. 

– True that – I agreed, amused. We didn't say anything for a while, but suddenly I was curious.

– What do you think your biggest mistake was, Mark? 

He was silent for so long that I was about to repeat myself.

– For the longest time I thought it was dropping out of college. If I hadn't, maybe I could afford a more comfortable life style. 

– Yeah, probably.

– But I don't think it was a mistake anymore. If I hadn't dropped out, I wouldn't be living with you.

I turned to him and he was looking outside the window, avoiding my gaze. 

– I'm really happy we're roomates, Mark – I admitted, being completely honest. I owed Mark my life, and I loved him more deeply than any person I had ever loved before. 

– I guess in the end my biggest mistakes were the things I didn't do. I surely regret them more – he confessed.

We were silent for minutes, each immersed in our own thoughts.

– You were out pretty late last night – Mark said, sounding as casual as he could possibly be.  
– Went to the Cat Scratch Club.

– Alone?

– No.

– Who did you go with, then? 

– Do you really wanna know?

– Maybe.

– I went with Benny, OK?

– Benny? As in Benjamim Coffin III? - Mark looked appalled. 

– The one and only.

– Why did you go out with Benny?

– He's having a hard time coming around his divorce and needed some company.

– _Your_ company? Out of all people?

– He needed a friend, all right? I felt bad for him, he's pretty bummed. 

– I don't understand. When he and Mimi were going out you couldn't stand the guy.

– Exactly. Now Mimi's been off to school in California for more than a year and I'm supposed to hold grudges? I thought you out of all people believed in second chances. You gave me my fair of chances.

– I know, I was just surprised.

– Are you jealous? That you didn't go with us? - I sounded too amused for my own good.

– No! Of course not. You can go out with whoever you want, see if I care.

Mark sounded so embarrassed that I couldn't help but laugh.

– That's cute, but you know you're the only one for me, babe – I teased.

– Shut up, Roger – Mark said, and he sounded actually mad. 

– What is it? - I asked, leaning closer to him and being serious for once.

– Nothing – he replied, avoiding looking me in the eye.

– Did I say something wrong?

– It's nothing, OK? I'm just cranky because of this heat. I think I'll cool down in the bedroom for a while.

– Oh, OK.

I watched as Mark marched himself to his bedroom and closed the door. Usually I was the one to throw a tantrum and lock myself up. It felt awful being the one left out. With absolutely nothing to do, I laid on the couch and closed my eyes, trying my hardest to fall asleep. 

I was pretty sure I was already sleeping when I heard the door to Mark's bedroom spring open. I opened my eyes and watched, startled, as he knelt beside me on the floor.

– What is it? - I asked, apprehensive. He looked anxious and defiant at the same time. I started to sit up but he put his hand in my naked chest, pushing me back down again.

– I'm tired of regretting things that I didn't do. Maybe I'll regret one thing I actually _did_ do for a change. 

And just like that, without giving me a second to grasp what he meant, he kissed me full on the lips. I didn't even have time to close my eyes, much less react to it. As fast as he kissed me, he pulled away.

– There, now I can regret this impulsive, reckless and dumb thing I did – he said with a sad smile, and got up. Before he could reach the door to his bedroom, I caught up with him.

– Mark, wait!

– No, I can't wait. I have to-

– No, let's talk – I said, grabbing him by the wrist. He looked at where my hand touched his skin and he seemed pained. 

– Just let me sulk in my room for a while, please – he said, and I noticed that he was forcing his voice to sound normal, but I knew him better. 

– Stay here, please – I said, and there must have been something in my voice that stopped him from struggling and I was able to pull him back to the couch. I was sweating so much and I doubted it was only from the hot temperature. 

– Mark, look at me, please – I pleaded, and the way he looked hurt when his eyes met mine made a piece of my heart break. 

– There's nothing to talk about, Roger. I kissed you, you didn't kiss me back and that's the end of it. It's exactly what I was expecting.

– Kiss you back? How could I? You pulled away so fast you'd think my lips were burning. 

– So you're saying that the only reason you didn't kiss me back was because you didn't have the time to? Don't lie, please, you only make things worse. 

– Can I have another chance?

– At what?

– Kissing you. 

– What!?

And then it was my turn to get him off guard as I quickly pressed my lips to his. This time, when he was the one trying to pull away, I didn't let him. I put my hand in the back of his neck and kept his head in place as I slowly moved my lips, testing if I was out of line and should let him go.  
I could feel his neck was tense and his breathing was hot against my cheek. 

– Is this not OK? - I whispered – I thought that, since you kissed me first, this would be fine.

– Yeah, it's OK – he whispered back – I just thought that you wouldn't want to, since you don't kiss other men. Well, not that I know of, because clearly you have your life and I don't know everything about you, although I can say I do know quite a lot since we're roomates and the last time we-

– Mark, if you don't shut up I'll have something else to regret, which will be punching you in the face. 

– Right. Sorry. Kiss me.

And I did. I kissed him and it felt wonderful. I sat up on the couch and pulled him up with me. Mark wasn't completely wrong, I didn't kiss other men, but Mark wasn't _other_ men. He was Mark, he was _the_ man. And I worked really hard to show that to him in that kiss. 

Eventually, Mark took my hand out of his neck and held both of them in his own hands. Again, he wasn't looking at me.

– Mark – I called, and he shyly looked up at me. I held his face between my hands – I'm so happy you gathered enough courage to do this. 

– Really? - he said, and those bright eyes lit up. 

– Yeah. I love you and it felt wonderful kissing you. It felt right, comfortable, like we'd done it a million times before – he smiled widely.

– I had the same impression, too. And I've been waiting to do that for quite some time, now.

– You have? And why have you never said anything?

– Becase I know men are not your thing.

– My “thing” is whoever I find attractive. And I've always found you very attractive. Too bad we met in a time in my life when I was already fucked up. Even though I absolutely love what we shared today, you know maybe this will probably be the last time we do it it – I said, letting him go and sitting back on the couch. 

– Why? - he sounded really clueless.

– Come on, Mark. You know why.

– I don't underst- oh, you mean...?

– Yeah. You know we could never have a normal relationship. We could never have sex.

– I'm not interested in sex – he was quick to say.

– You're a healthy young man, Mark. Of course you're interested in sex.

– Ever since Maureen and I broke up, did you see me date anyone? Sex is great, but it isn't – and has never been – my priority in life.

– I'm too fucked up for you, Mark. 

– You're not! Why should you be good enough to be my friend and not to be my...oh God this is so juvenile, my boyfriend?

– You want me to be your boyfriend? - I asked, smiling and feeling the tension fade a bit.

– If you want, to. Yeah – again, he was looking down and avoiding my gaze. He was so awkward that it was almost painful to watch. 

– You want me to be your boyfriend, even though I have a death sentence looming over me and that we could never have sex?

– First, there's more to sex than penetration, you know that. There are still things we could do that are perfectly safe if we ever want to. But I'm more than happy if I can kiss you like this, every time I want. I don't need much more. 

God bless him and his rational side. Mark had always been so informed about this disease and always so at ease about it. We shared a bathroom and drank from the same cup without a hint of a problem. I was so lucky to have him. In more ways than one now, apparently.

– I know, I know. You're right. I just hate the idea of you coming out of this relationship hurt. Which you know will happen, let's not kid ourselves about that. I am going to end up hurting you, one way or another.

– Maybe. Maybe I'll be the one to hurt you. 

– You could never hurt me, Mark – I said, touching his face – You're too good for me. And now you are my _boyfriend_ \- I said, ruffling his damp hair and making him smile.

– I guess I am – he said, and he was blushing. He was also smiling so widely that it must have been hurting his face. 

– And I think that the first thing we should do as boyfriends is to hop into the shower together. I'm sweating like a pig and it's about time I see you naked.

– So romantic – he said, but he was smiling and was the first to get up from the couch and walk towards the bathroom. 

– Hey, Mark.

– What? - he turned around to look at me.

– I'll make sure you never regret this


End file.
